Death and life are in the power of the tongue. (Proverbs 18:21)
Growing up, I was more the “keep everything inside and hope it gets better” type. I didn’t share my feelings, express when someone offended me, or voice my opinions. If someone bothered me, I’d usually just let it slide, hoping it would go away.
The truth is, I was scared—scared of disappointing someone by saying, “Hey, I think you might be wrong about this.” I didn’t want to rock the boat, so I stayed quiet and bottled everything up. But if things didn’t magically resolve, it felt like a baking soda and vinegar reaction would happen inside of me—boom!
As I transitioned into adulthood, I started to see all the opportunities I missed because of my silence. Worse, I realized how often I was taken advantage of because I didn’t express my thoughts or feelings. So, I decided to flip the script. I swung to the other extreme and started speaking out more, becoming bolder. But instead of finding balance, I went from being the quiet nodder to someone who threw his opinions around like a wrecking ball.
Both extremes—being too passive or too assertive—are harmful. God’s wisdom offers something far better. Proverbs 10:11 says, “The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life, but the mouth of the wicked conceals violence.”
When you think of an assertive person, what comes to mind? For me, it used to be someone who said whatever was on their mind, no matter the impact. I thought assertiveness meant not bottling up my thoughts and emotions but letting them run free. But I soon learned how damaging that approach could be to those around me.
So, where do you naturally fall on the spectrum? Are you more passive or assertive in your communication?
If you’re on the quieter side and finally feel that urge to speak up, it can be done, but with humility. Humility leads with a desire to understand the other person before they understand you. Humility honors them, and speaks honestly about feelings but with respect toward them.
How about we redeem assertiveness!? Instead of making ourselves the center of conflict, let’s be mindful of how we share what’s on our hearts, and as Pastor Matt taught us on Sunday, speak words of nourishment, grace, wisdom, and truth.