There are a few things to think through in this situation: the short-term and the long-term.
Short-term first. When people are leading us into temptation we’re likely to fall into, we need to walk away. Proverbs makes it clear: “My son, if sinners entice you, don’t be persuaded. … Don’t travel that road with them or set foot on their path” (Proverbs 1:10,15). They’re not true friends if they insist you join them in their sin.
There are plenty of folks who love Jesus and are eager to befriend other folks who love Jesus. It’s time to pursue friendships with mature believers. You can find them in Harbor’s community groups and ministry teams. They might be different in age, background, culture, or interests. Even better. Build a few solid friendships with people who will keep pointing you to Jesus.
Then you’re ready to think long-term. How can you build friendships with people who don’t follow Jesus, without following them into sin?
Colossians has some great insights. Paul says, “If you have been raised with Christ, seek the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory” (Colossians 3:1-4).
Healthy friendships here on earth first require a healthy friendship with the one above in heaven: “Seek the things above where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.” And Paul opens your eyes to three huge realities that help you build that vertical friendship:
1. You’re dead.
Paul says, “You died, and your life is hidden with Christ.” You’ve died to your old values. To your old priorities. To the things that used to control you.
2. You’re raised.
That’s what Paul says: “You have been raised with Christ.” That’s past tense, not future. If you’re in Christ, everything has changed. You have a new identity: you’re part of God’s family. You have a new role: you’re one of God’s sons or daughters. You have a new nature: you don’t love sin anymore, you love Jesus.
3. You have a new life.
As Paul says, “Christ is your life.” So you don’t need to depend on other things to give you life anymore. Like work: you don’t need to depend on work to feel successful and powerful. You’ve got the power of Jesus. Or money: you don’t need a stockpile of cash to feel secure. You’ve got the security of Jesus. Or even relationships: you don’t need to depend on other people to feel loved. You’ve got the love of Jesus. Jesus is your life!
The key to building healthy friendships is finding life in Christ. That way you don’t have to depend on other people to give you life. You’re free to love them, bless them, and serve them without being drawn away from Christ by them.
As Paul says in Colossians 3:11, “Christ is all, and in all.” If Christ is all to you, then you don’t need anything from anyone else. You don’t need to conform to their expectations and desires to try to get affirmation from them. You have the affirmation of Christ.
When you fully understand and appreciate your friendship with Christ, you’ll be able to build healthy and fulfilling friendships with everyone else.