Whoever rebukes a man will afterward find more favor than he who flatters with his tongue. (Proverbs 28:23)
There’s never been a time where our personal lives have been more public through social media and communication across the world is so easy, it’s only a few button presses away. Because of this, we can more easily see in others, and even reveal through our own lives, our fallen and sinful nature—our actions that may be opposite to what God expects of us and desires for our lives. In this situation, it is incredibly easy to rebuke and be rebuked. And so where does rebuking our brother or sister in Christ and having the grace to be rebuked fit in and how should we react?
Let’s begin at what a rebuke often looks like: the rebuked becomes offended or even angry, and the rebuker feels hurt for only having done so in love and desiring a God-glorifying change. The relationship is potentially broken, at least for the moment, or worse, possibly unrepairable. This result is usually the reason why we consciously or unconsciously keep conversations and interactions light for the sake of keeping the peace and keeping things comfortable. We effectively flatter with our tongues, as scripture says.
But scripture tells us that despite this seemingly disastrous result, the rebuker will find “afterward find more favor,” when the rebuked is convicted of their sin and acknowledges the wrong. The result is a relationship that is stronger in love than when it first began. And this is so good. That is the result that God had designed for us.
So as we are rebuked and should rebuke, remember that we’re talking with another soul who is at best, and just as equally as we are, saved by grace and grace alone, despite the failings and continual sin in our lives. As Apostle Paul said, “For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate” (Rom. 7:15). Sometimes, we don’t even understand our own actions to the point where we don’t realize that they are opposite to what God desires of us. Sometimes, we need someone to show us how we’ve sinned against God and to lead us to repentance. So in humility and grace, be open to receive any rebukes, and in the same way, give rebukes so that we may grow in love closer and closer to Christ.