My wife says I’ve become a Grinch. She’s right. Christmas just doesn’t fill me with excitement like it used to.

Maybe it’s because Christmas feels like it’s become a women’s holiday. They plan parties and Secret Santa exchanges. They hang decorations and ornaments. They bake cookies and fill stockings. Compare that to a man’s holiday, like the Fourth of July. We throw piles of meat on blazing grills. We light off ridiculous amounts of fireworks. Aaaand… that’s pretty much it.

At Christmastime, many men feel irrelevant. Useless. We follow our wives around from activity to activity, carrying cookies and presents and honey-baked hams from place to place. We fake knowing smiles as people open gifts from us, even though we have no idea what’s inside.

We’re not following in the footsteps of the man who participated in the first Christmas: Joseph. In our minds, his role in the story is basically the accidental sidekick. The third wheel to Mary and her miraculous child. In all the Christmas reenactments we watch, Joseph’s only job is to follow his wife around from place to place, just like the rest of us knuckleheads.

But in the gospels, it’s clear that Joseph was much more active than that. His role as a compassionate spiritual leader to his family during the first Christmas is something every man should imitate through God’s grace, every Christmas to come.

Joseph acted with holiness and compassion

When his mother Mary had been betrothed to Joseph, before they came together she was found to be with child from the Holy Spirit. And her husband Joseph, being a just man and unwilling to put her to shame, resolved to divorce her quietly. (Matthew 1:18-19)

When Mary is “found to be with child,” she’s probably four months pregnant. Matthew tells us this child is from the Holy Spirit, but Joseph doesn’t know that’s how it happened. All he knows is that he hasn’t touched this girl, but somehow she’s gotten herself knocked up.

Matthew says Joseph is “just,” which means obedient to the Law of Moses. And according to the Law, his betrothal to Mary is legally null and void as a result of her adultery. Joseph wants to obey the Law, so he needs to divorce her.

He has the legal right to go public with his anger. To accuse her in front of the elders of the city. He even has the option given in Deuteronomy 22 of having her stoned to death. He’s righteous and just.

But he’s also compassionate. He’s unwilling to put her to shame, unlike what most men did in that culture. You would bring your wife to a public court, charge her with adultery, and shred her reputation in order to preserve your own. But that’s not what Joseph wants to do. The law allowed for a private divorce before two witnesses, so that’s probably what Joseph’s planning. Even though he thinks Mary has violated him and his trust, he still has compassion for her, so he wants to spare her unnecessary shame. He is sacrificially loving.

Men, we’ll be tempted to grumble and complain during Christmastime. My wife says it’s being a Grinch, but really it’s just sinful selfishness. Like Joseph, let’s strive for righteous compassion. Let’s look for ways to humbly serve our families, churches, and friends as we display the holiness of Christ. Wrap more presents. Do more cooking and cleaning, and less football watching. Volunteer for nursery duty at church on Sunday.

Joseph acted with confident faith

When Herod died, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared in a dream to Joseph in Egypt, saying, “Rise, take the child and his mother and go to the land of Israel, for those who sought the child’s life are dead.” And he rose and took the child and his mother and went to the land of Israel. (Matthew 2:19-21)

When Joseph fled to Egypt with his family from the murderous King Herod, that was an act of faith. But it required even more confidence in God to go back home.

Israel was still a hostile place, as Joseph discovered later when he learned that Herod’s son was still on the throne in Judea. Joseph had to trust God that they would be safe. He had to have faith that they would have food and shelter along the way. He had to have confidence that once they got there, he could find work and provide for his family.

In our affluent culture, we don’t need to trust God for a whole lot. There aren’t many of us who’ve ever had to wonder if we would have food to eat the next day. There aren’t many of us who’ve had to move overseas, with no idea how we would survive once we got there.

But there’s another way to display confident faith. My father taught me to trust God by never using his credit card. If he wanted to buy something, like a new TV, he would wait until God had provided the money rather than going down to the store and whipping out the plastic.

Men, every Christmas we’re tempted to appease the materialistic expectations of our culture by giving gifts that are way beyond our means. Instead, let’s show our families what confidence in God’s provision looks like. It’s not too late to return some of the crazy gifts you’ve already bought, and replace them with something simpler and more meaningful.

Joseph acted with strong leadership

At the end of eight days, when he was circumcised, he was called Jesus, the name given by the angel before he was conceived in the womb. And when the time came for their purification according to the Law of Moses, they brought him up to Jerusalem to present him to the Lord (as it is written in the Law of the Lord, “Every male who first opens the womb shall be called holy to the Lord”) and to offer a sacrifice according to what is said in the Law of the Lord, “a pair of turtledoves, or two young pigeons.” (Luke 2:21-24)

In Leviticus, it was commanded that every Jewish baby be brought to the temple on his 41st day to be presented to the Lord. This wasn’t the most convenient law in the Scriptures, and there were plenty of people in Israel at the time who ignored it. But Joseph was a spiritual leader. He led his family in worship and sacrifice, even when it wasn’t convenient.

It’s clear that fathers have a unique role to play in their families:

• “God appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers to teach to their children, that the next generation might know them.” (Psalm 78)
• “He will turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to their fathers.” (Malachi 4)
• “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6)

Men, we’ll have two options this Christmas: to be passive observers, or to be active spiritual leaders in our families. Let’s carve out time to read God’s word, worship, and pray with our kids. Let’s look for opportunities at Christmas gatherings to explain to our unsaved relatives and friends why Jesus came to this earth. Let’s lead our families, before and after the wrapping paper and bows are ripped apart, in thanking God for his goodness to us.