The holiday season can be a killer. Between nonstop work parties, stressful family dinners, endless school performances, Christmas card photos, and gift-giving pressures, the month between Thanksgiving and Christmas can reduce even the strongest people to whimpering. Add to that the different traditions and expectations that different people have for the holidays, and it can tear even the strongest marriages apart. So how do we avoid that?

There’s an endless stream of marriage books that can offer plenty of communications tools and conflict-resolution strategies. But according to the Bible, it’s really simple. For a happy marriage, husbands need to love, cherish, and care for their wives just like Christ cares for the church. And wives need to honor and respect their husbands just like the church honors Christ. Especially when things are difficult and stressful, like they are during the holidays.

There’s a great picture of this dynamic in the story of Ruth. As Boaz and Ruth are just beginning their courtship (during a difficult and stressful time), look at how they interact:

Boaz said to Ruth, “Now, listen, my daughter, do not go to glean in another field or leave this one, but keep close to my young women. Let your eyes be on the field that they are reaping, and go after them. Have I not charged the young men not to touch you? And when you are thirsty, go to the vessels and drink what the young men have drawn. (Ruth 2:8-9)

Think about all the ways Boaz is caring for Ruth and providing for her:

• He says, don’t go glean in another field. Stay here and take the grain from my field. He’s providing resources.
• He says, stick around with my servant girls. He’s providing friends and community.
• He says, follow along after the girls and see how they glean. He’s providing training and instruction.
• He says, I won’t let any of my men touch you. He’s providing protection.
• He says, drink the water that my men have drawn out of the well. Normally, it’s the opposite. The women are supposed to draw water for the men. So he’s providing honor and respect.

Women like men who can provide. Men who can produce. For some guys, the only thing they can produce is a comment on a Youtube video. But a guy like Boaz who cares for his woman and all of her needs creates an atmosphere for a happy and healthy marriage.

Look at how much he’s been paying attention to her:

Boaz answered her, “All that you have done for your mother-in-law since the death of your husband has been fully told to me, and how you left your father and mother and your native land and came to a people that you did not know before. (Ruth 2:11)

He’s saying, Ruth, I’ve been paying attention to you. I’ve been studying you. It shows so much care and concern when a man pays attention to his woman. It communicates so much love when men study their wives. When they take the time to understand their stories. To understand what’s really in their heart.

And look at how Ruth responds:

She said, “I have found favor in your eyes, my lord for you have comforted me and spoken kindly to your servant, though I am not one of your servants.” (Ruth 2:13)

Can you see how they’re treating each other? He’s caring for her, comforting her, and providing for her. She’s showing respect and honor for him. And that’s the secret to a happy marriage.

All a woman wants is for her husband to take care of her. Love her. Cherish her. Comfort her. Provide for her. And all a man wants is for his wife to respect him. (Try going Ruth-style and call him “my Lord” sometime. You don’t even have to mean it, just say the words. You’ll have him wrapped around your little finger!)

Women need love and care and comfort. Men need honor and admiration and respect. That’s just how God designed us. Which is why Paul said, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. … Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” (Eph 5:22-25). If we all just followed that verse, we’d all have perfect marriages. Because that’s all we really need in a relationship. Honor and respect, love and comfort.

When you get those down, you’ll have the happiest marriage in the world. No matter how many of your spouse’s holiday traditions you have to endure.