If you’re like most people, when you go to work, you subconsciously put people into one of three categories. Either they’re your boss, or your underling, or your rival. It’s easy to figure out your relationship with your boss. You just do what they tell you to do. It’s really easy when someone’s your underling. You just tell them what to do. And all those other people? You’re supposed to be working together with them for the same goals. They’re supposed to be your teammates. But they end up being your rivals.

You’re competing with them to get the promotion, or the recognition, or maybe just a little bit of attention from the boss. And so without even noticing it, you start to undermine them. You start subtly saying things about them when you’re talking to other people. “Did you know what that guy did?” … “Did you know what she said?” Maybe you even start saying things around the boss. “I don’t want to throw her under the bus, but she’s been late on her TPS reports for the last few months. Don’t get me wrong, I love her to death!”

And it’s not just at work where we have rivals. Lots of moms feel rivalry with other moms. You ask another mom, “When did your baby start walking? … Oh, eleven months? … Hmmm. … Mine started at 13 months.” And inside you’re saying to yourself, “I lose.” A few years later you ask, “How many sports is your kid playing? … Two? … Oh, mine’s in Three.” And inside you’re going, “I win!”

People feel rivalries with other people for how many likes they get on Instagram. How many friends they have on Facebook. Which parties they get invited to. How quickly they can find a husband.

John says it’s because we all have the same tendencies as Cain:

We should not be like Cain, who was of the evil one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his own deeds were evil and his brother’s righteous. (1 John 3:12)

The very first person born on this planet, Cain, became a murderer. The very first person to be given life in the same we’ve been given life? He went and took the life of his own brother.

And why did he do that? John says, “Because his own deeds were evil and his brother’s righteous.” Because Cain gave an offering to God that was probably just thrown together. He scrounged up some rotten vegetables and threw them down in front of God. His brother Abel went and found the best sheep in the whole flock — the biggest, fattest, prettiest sheep he could find — and laid it down before the Lord.

God accepted Abel’s sacrifice and rejected Cain’s, so Cain was jealous. He murdered his brother because Abel had something he didn’t. He had the approval of God, and Cain hated his brother for that. He saw his brother as a rival, competing for the blessing of God. He believed that there was only enough of God’s blessing for one of them, so he had to steal it.

And John says we all have the same tendencies:

Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him. (1 John 3:15)

You don’t have to kill someone to be a murderer. We all steal life away from people when we see them as rivals, enemies, and competitors. But here’s the good news: when you have life in Christ, you’re freed from the need to compete with other people:

We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brothers. Whoever does not love abides in death. (1 John 3:14)

When you receive new life in Christ, you don’t need to compete for anything because you already have everything you need. You have life! When you go to work, instead of subverting people, you can be serving people. When you hang out with friends, instead of competing, you can be caring. Because that’s exactly what Jesus did for you:

By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers. (1 John 3:16)

Christ took the wrath that you deserved for your sin, and gave you the reward that he deserved for his righteousness. He took the death that you earned, and gave you the life that he earned. When you grasp that mind-blowing reality, it makes you more humble. And more grateful. And more loving.

Who’s your Abel? What would it look like for you to love them the same way Jesus loved you?