Do you find yourself frustrated by the sins and shortcomings of the people around you? Are you continually nagging and rebuking your family, friends, and coworkers (or continually stuffing down the things you really want to say)?
In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus has some powerful questions for you:
Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye. (Matt. 7:3-5)
As usual, the questions Jesus asks are actually incisive statements.
He’s saying something about how we view ourselves. We tend to see other peoples’ faults as big and our own as small, but Jesus is showing us that the reverse should be true. Our own sins should be overwhelmingly big compared to the little things we notice in other people.
He’s also saying something about how we treat others. Think about the visual image he’s trying to give us. Some guy thinks it’s his job to go around finding specks in other people’s eyes and getting them out. But he has a log sticking out of his own eye. So when he tries to get in close to get that speck out of your eye, what’s going to happen? He’s going to bash you in the head with that log. “Here, let me get that speck for you.”… THUNK!
When we try to confront sin in other people without first seeing our own, we just keep knocking each other in the head. But when you deal with your own sin first, then you can lovingly help other people deal with theirs, which is something Jesus commands: “First take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.”
Agreeing with Jesus, Paul says we need to “speak the truth in love” to each other if we want to grow to be like Christ (Eph. 4:15), and he offers some guidelines for how to do this well:
Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. (Gal. 6:1-2)
In this one short passage, Paul gives seven conditions for confronting other people about sin in their lives:
- It should be done between “brothers.” This sets the tone for the conversation. We’re family, which implies that we have an unbreakable bond with each other. No matter what happens in the conversation, our commitment to each other as brothers and sisters in Christ will remain.
- It should be done by “spiritual” people. Which means you need to be operating in the Spirit’s power, not out of anger and frustration.
- The other person must be “caught in transgression.” The sin must be clear and present, not just assumed and implied. This is particularly true when confronting someone’s underlying motivations, which are extremely hard to discern.
- The goal should be “restoring” the other person to a healthy relationship with God and the rest of the body of Christ. If your only goal is to get the other person to stop aggravating you, you’re not ready to do this. Go back to condition 2.
- It should be done in a “spirit of gentleness.” Harsh rebukes almost never bring someone closer to Jesus. They only erect walls between his people.
- You must “keep watch on yourself” during the whole process. When the other person reacts defensively and questions your judgment, morality, and right to question them (as they almost always do), you’ll be tempted to respond in pride and arrogance. You’ll want to start using all the ammunition you’ve been storing up in your mind over the years, reminding the other person about all the ways he’s offended you, failed you, and disappointed you. Notice all those “you’s”? They have nothing to do with restoring the other person, and therefore have no place in the conversation.
- Be ready to “bear one another’s burdens” over the long haul. The process of restoration probably won’t happen overnight. Offer your ongoing love, support, and gentle accountability to the other person. Help him take concrete steps to overcome the sin through God’s Spirit-empowered grace, which is the “law of Christ.”