How to have meaningful conversations with your spouse

by May 28, 2009

At dinner every night, our family goes around and answers this question: “What was your favorite and least favorite part of the day?” It offers great insights into the hearts of my wife and kids, and usually springboards into lots of other areas of discussion.

David Powlison recommends a similar approach to getting beyond the “How was your day, honey?” rut of superficial conversation many of us fall into with our spouses. I really like the third question:

  1. What are your present burdens? The Bible tells us that we are born for trouble (Job 5:7). So what is the trouble? A sin? A responsibility? An issue at work? A particular conflict? What weighs you down? What was your lowlight of this day? These burdens are the “heat of life.”
  2. What are your present joys? What were your highlights from the day? These joys are the “dew of blessing.”
  3. What is your calling? This could include the mundane tasks, or broader life-purpose questions. What are your duties for this day? What do you need to do? What are your goals for this day? For example, a parent could say, “Today, I don’t want to lose my temper with the kids.” It could be as simple as this.

(from seminar notes by Tony Reinke, via JT).